Between Two Worlds…
Just 5-years of using hearing aids, it was immediately obvious (mostly to me, not so much to my parents) that these aids were pretty much useless to me. The only purpose they appeared to serve was to feed a cacophony of sounds into my poor ears as my brain scrabbled to make sense of it. I could imagine an army of tiny neurons running around like headless chickens trying so hard to filter the sounds! Poor things…they tried though…except when the fire alarm went off – that literally stunned them! No sound could travel into my brain at all! Well, anyway, after a while and coupled with other reasons (namely self-consciousness), I stopped wearing the aids unless I was forced to in school or at home. Age 15, I was offered a Cochlear Implant, my not-so-little miracle. It finally felt like me and sounds could get along again! However the CI didn’t restore my hearing per se but it gave me a massive advantage in hearing and distinguishing sounds. So, in my opinion, I am not deaf, but I am not hearing either…hence I am stuck between two worlds.
I tried for a while to integrate myself into the deaf community but it didn’t work out. Sometimes I felt like a fraud and I started to feel like I was losing my hearing identity and being unwittingly forced to be ‘Deaf’ and not ‘hard-of-hearing’ as I like to describe my weaker sense. I don’t fully belong in the hearing world either and re-integrating me in that didn’t work!
I will never fit into the deaf community and I will never fully be in the hearing community either but that’s okay with me. I have just come to accept that I have my own little niche, my own little island somewhere between the two worlds, and I am quite happy there. Its peaceful, it’s different and I get to make my own rules (I try anyway)! I don’t need to fit into any community to establish an identity because I already know whose I am (even though I forget sometimes) and where my identity lies – with God. And that’s all I need.
So don’t try to fit into society’s mould, people. It will give you ulcers! Man did not create you; God did. He’s your Manufacturer and I can’t imagine anyone knowing you better than the very One who made you. If you feel lost, just ask the Manufacturer who will tell you who you are and what on earth you are here for.
Don’t try to hide your flaws either – they are part of you and make you unique. If you were perfect, you wouldn’t need anyone, would you?
Chronicles of a Bionic Woman
~Engineered to be DIFFERENT~
[Image courtesy of Google Images]