Bionic Woman on…Faking It
Something just dawned on me – although I have always felt it took me a very long time to accept my hearing loss, in the past few years, I’d thought that I had actually managed to come to terms with it at last and it does seem that way, given the creation of this blog and a list of other significant milestones during my hearing journey.
What dawned on me is that although I have accepted my hearing loss to an extent, I just realised I have not fully accepted it. I remember the early years when I first lost my hearing. Coping with this sudden plunge into a silent and isolating world meant faking it; this was my strategic way of dealing with the loss of sense – faking it. I carried on pretending to be a hearing person, faking it when I was in conversations by giving the impression I was able to follow what was being said, and laughing when I thought something funny had been said, usually by watching other people’s reaction or the speaker’s facial expressions. I was pretty good at faking it too, so much so that I started to believe it myself – that I was a hearing person again. Until reality would come and give me a giant poke in the ribs….I don’t have to tell you it was a pretty lame strategy that didn’t work at all. But that didn’t stop me, and over the years, I can only imagine the countless number of missed conversations and lost connections that I have lost since losing my hearing. It was quite isolating, especially in those days before the internet took off and mobile phones came into the scene.
Confession: To this day, I still fake it, pretending to be a hearing person able to understand most of what is being said. I know it is pretty lame and a very weak strategy considering conversations are a two-way street and I can only stand there and fake it for so long before I am actually required to give a response to what has been said! *covers face*
I am trying to be more honest now, more assertive and less hesitant to speak up and say “Can you repeat that, please?” On that note, I am thankful for my friends who, in conversations, know me so well that they can actually tell when I am faking it and then turn to me to explain what is being said. I am thankful for their patience and sensitivity to me. I hope I have never taken this for granted and that I never will.
I know that faking it is dishonest, and as a Christian, I am convicted of this. It is also insensitive and disrespectful/rude to the other person I am conversing with, so I will begin to challenge myself from henceforth to be assertive and honest enough to speak up and say, “Could you repeat that, please?”
What’s the worst that could happen???
Chronicles of a Bionic Woman
You can’t fake listening. It shows. ~ Raquel Welch
[Image courtesy of Google Images]