Echoes from the Heart…of a Bionic Woman
I am finding it hard to write about my hearing journey this week…the words just fail me completely and I can’t seem to put them together even though I know what I want to share with you…*sigh*
Anyway, I didn’t want a whole week to go by without a post from me so I dug into my archives and found something I wrote back in 2008…I apologise it’s not related to my hearing journey but its relative to my journey as a person and who I am today. So in the spirit of getting to know me a bit better, I hope you enjoy reading this. Thanks for stopping by once again!
*****Echoes from the Heart…of a Bionic Woman*****
I used to sit in silence and I hear the echoes of who we used to be. And I wished for the patience, the grace and the strength to let go and not make your life difficult just because of what I wanted. Letting go….that was the hardest part about grace.
I knew it would get better and everything would fall into place again…but some days were messy and I would find myself thinking about those days that are now just memories…and that was when it would all start again…tears would fill my eyes and it would feel like someone had pulled a belt tightly around my chest…and I would wonder if I would ever be able to release this belt from my heart.
Fidelity is a word that now reflects differently on me. I no longer fear its reverse. I plan for it to happen; I expect it, and nothing less. Trust is instantaneous because I cannot help who I have been created to be – a loyal and a loving person, and a person who believes earnestly that we are not different in this way; we share that equality.
I thought that telling him what I wanted to say would help make closure that much more of a reality. And it did. I was able to tell him what I wanted to say. Now I have no regrets. I learnt to move on, but it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do because not a day went by that I didn’t think about him and I didn’t hear the echoes of who we were…
I have learnt from my past; and the passion, the desire to have something so good, so loving, and so earnest – it is what makes me so careful in the next step I take. Because I want the next chapter not only to be the final chapter but also the beginning of a beautiful, never-ending love story…
To have endured the pain made me strong and I learnt to see what love holds and what destructive creatures we can be…I found my true strength, I realised who I am and I learnt that for all of my fears, there was still hope. I no longer fear love; rather I have embraced it and made it my own…
I will always cherish the memories but I have determined to live in the knowledge that the future, even hidden behind a smoke screen, can hold the sweetest possibilities.
(From the archives: Written Sept. 2008)
Chronicles of a Bionic Woman
“Every exit is an entry somewhere.” – Tom Stoppard
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