The other day, I’d confidently walked up to a brother I had been admiring from afar earlier on and we started talking. Things were going really well and we may well have stood there talking for an inordinate length of time but I will never know because in the middle of the conversation, my cochlear implant battery goes flat.
*cue primal scream*
“Nooooooo!!! Not now! Not now!!! Oh God, no!!! Arrrrghhhhh!!!”
….but outside I was the picture of calm. The sudden plunge into silence meant I was thrown off the conversation completely…I was mentally disoriented and instantly I couldn’t remember what we’d been talking about…I can’t lip-read very well without sound. I rely on my hearing through the cochlear implant to help me lip-read at least 90% of what is said to me. Because I rely so much on sound, I don’t cope very well without it at all.
Anyway, here I am standing in front of this fine brother and I need to change my cochlear implant battery but unfortunately I don’t have my handbag with me and the last thing I want to do is to excuse myself, thereby interrupting the conversation and not knowing whether we’ll be able to resume again. You would expect that I would just be upfront and excuse myself anyway rather than stand there just nodding my head like a plastic dog in the rear window of a car… sadly I didn’t excuse myself. I stood right there and tried to carry on with the conversation as if nothing had happened, praying he won’t start talking about something completely out of the blue. It also meant that I now had to dominate the conversation so that I knew what we were talking about as context helps me lip-read a lot more. It got to the point where I just couldn’t pretend anymore and had to admit to him that my cochlear implant battery had gone flat, I was unable to lip-read him very well and I was unable to hear myself, as well as feeling very self-conscious of my voice now – I couldn’t tell if I was shouting or speaking normally.
*sigh* It’s very frustrating when that happens. Usually I manage to avoid this by carrying a spare battery with me but in this case I forgot and paid dearly for it, no matter how silly that sounds. I couldn’t stop thinking about that incident for the next few days and I cringe every time. It’s so embarrassing. I wish my cochlear implant was one in which the battery lasted a whole day without the need to change it.
Well, I have just about had it up to here with my tendency to embarrass myself. Next time this happens, I know what to do *blank stare*
So if you ever find yourself talking to me and I suddenly excuse myself, muttering something about “need to change my battery”, well, you will understand…my cochlear implant can be a very selfish gadget sometimes!
Still, I am thankful. Without it, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to even walk up to that brother and initiate a conversation. And it’s highly unlikely I will forget to carry a spare with me next time…much like that time I locked my car keys in the boot of my car…never again…once bitten twice shy and all that jazz…
Chronicles of a Bionic Woman
It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves. ~Edmund Hillary
Image: Courtesy of Google Images
From → Social Butterfly